my ramblings...

resolve takes faith

a friend of mine said made an observation about me. i let things "get to me" too much. that's not news, but i guess what i came away with was a bit "new." i was emotional over something i cannot control. in the name of being "responsive" and flexible, i allow others to dictate my emotions by their actions and circumstances. while that is an extension of my personality (my responsiveness), i must weed out the parts of it that makes me waver and causes discouragement and emotional instability by being resolved to hold tightly to the faith i say i possess. if Christ is the solid rock on which i stand, i should not waver, walking by faith. If i believe that He is strong to deliver me safe, than His joy ought to be my strength. though my flesh may be destroyed, yet with my eyes i will see God. that sort of confidence in knowing that my Redeemer lives ought to sustain me through any circumstance. would i be resolved to excercize the sort of faith that saves that i possess and apply it to situations in my life that are so full of uncertainty... and still be able to say "oh Lord my heart is not lifted up, nor are my eyes raised to high for Thee... i do not think on things too great or marvelous, or on matters too difficult for me. for i have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child is my soul within me... oh israel, trust in the Lord from this time forth and forever..."

... today, i'm thankful for friends who share in struggles and can point me to Christ... and the music in my heart that reaffirms the theology by which i know i ought to live.
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interesting conversation resulted from the poem
posted previously....

friend saw potential
to encourage and share

here are a few that gripped my heart
made me smile and
inspired me to get back into writing
(more seriously):

billy collins:
marginalia
forgetfulness

sylvia plath:
lady lazarus

amy lowell:
the taxi
opal

(but i'm not sure i want to write i'm not sure i want to blog becuase i'm not sure i want to feel and i'm not sure i want to think at all but sometimes my fingers run automatic when you see me blog this much in a row you know i'm in trouble so now i think i'm on my way to write about "you" as air)

thanks friend. :o) i appreciate the gesture.

... today, i'm thankful for creativity, art and expression. what an inefficient non-necessity that the Lord has chosen to bless us with...
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despite the outside sunshine
the slow fall of tears is
rainstorm in my heart
cloud over my reason

i desire integration of
body & spirit
mind & emotions
yet i am left confused

what if my heart says it likes
the constancy of you
the chemistry of us
& the place we
create where
we can just
"be"
but my mind
tells me i want a love
that you would not (could not?) give

but i'm willing to settle
down with less than ideal
if the reality is with you

principles serve as
guard over tongue with
theologically sound mortar
to reinforce pride & self-protection

...and i cannot ground a thing with words....
and i cannot have you.

palms heavenward, i release the hold of you with my heart under your feet.

jesu juva.
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