Monday, June 06, 2005
crazy.
i'm not sure where to begin and what to say. but i know i want to write this down. no clever beginnings for this post, dear readers, that would tie it all together neatly. i cannot see the end to this stream of consciousness recollection because i don't know yet. there's so much i still don't know yet.
its 5:51. this is the third day in a row waking up before my alarm. i am unbelievably sleep deprived but i have not felt more content or calm and still at the edge of crying. :o) all of these things i'm feeling and experiencing are so surreal because i am having a hard time believing in its veracity. i suppose this is an extension of the "helikemehelikesmehelikesme" elated post. there's so much to say and i'm rambling. maybe i should start backwards. or forward? (this thing will need some serious editing that i'm sure i won't do. :o) but i think it'll be worth your read).
the verse "i would have despaired unless i believed in the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" has been an encouragment to me for such a long time. but what that "goodness" is, i've always had a difficult time understanding. i don't think i trust pure goodness... i am very wary of it, actually. i feel like at any minute, something is going to snap and things will take a nosedive for the worse. it is much easier for me to expect the worse than to actually believe that something good is happening. all of the verses about suffering i get... and finding joy in suffering, yes.... i've understood and experienced that too. but pure happiness? pure goodness? with no strings attached? could this be for real?
could adam be for real?
i'm not exaggerating here, but every moment with adam is magical.
the first date: instant chemistry
magical -- from the very first time we met. i still remember the excitment and fear that i felt on our first date. i never believed in spark or instant chemistry, but there was something there even in the very first moments. i was scared to allow myself to feel it, but being with him was just so easy. we just talked and talked and time just flew by. there was no disparity between the person i was communicating with online and the one who sat in front of me. could this super hot, cool guy really be interested in me? in me? no really. there must be some mistake here.
his smile beamed at me through the glass doors of l'apetito, this cute little coffee shop on michigan avenue where we met up. i thought he was hot just from his pictures before, but he was just as cute if not cuter in person. and he was so stylish, so chic, so cool. while a part of me wants to distrust that, he was so genuine. conversation was natural and fun from the very beginning. despite how "cool" he was, i felt instantly comfortable. there was no self-consciousness. just flow-neutral pretty much from the beginning.
he greeted me with a hug and a single pink tulip that he pulled out of his coat pocket. it was just so well-suited for our first date. i can't even begin to capture all of the little details i noticed. we sat in the coffee shop and talked non-stop for a good hour or so and didn't even stop to breathe long enough for coffee or a treat. from there, we walked to get dinner, and he was a perfect gentleman. he opened doors, walked on the outside of the road, attentive, and just plain fun. on the way to dinner, he saw a friend of his driving away from a gas station and bolted after her, stopped her and introduced her to me. he's just so like that. crazy. spontaneous. never ceases to surprise me. but the interesting thing about adam is that he strikes a balance between that and being steady and methodical. he confesses that he is very methodical and habitual, something that would be good for me to have in my life.
i got us lost (of course) on our way to the sushi place, but as we were ready to change plans, we stumbled upon it. i was so not hungry that all i had for dinner was 3 pieces of sushi. if you know me, you know that's just so out of character for me... but i was so happy i didn't need food. :o) (the boy buzz has actually caused some significant natural weight loss for which i am thankful :o) ). after dinner, we took the el back to his place so he could drive me home afterwards. there was a moment on the el when we were facing each other that i felt a spark that i've honestly never felt before. it was so very movie-like.
his place was cute and well-kept, and he showed me different parts of his life. he showed me his portfolio of art, some of his pictures, a video of capoeira, etc. the thing that struck me was despite his talent, he was nevertheless very down to earth. any tinge of arrogance would have caused me doubt and turned me off, but there was not even a hint. we hung out there for a while then he drove me home. and on the drive home, he told me that he doesn't remember smiling this much and talking this naturally with anyone for such an extended period of time. it made me smile but it also scared me because i've heard that line before and was wondering if this would result in yet another "buddy." because i enjoyed myself so much with him, i was so afraid that this was the first and last date. unfortunately that seems to be a recurring fear with him based not from who he is and how he has treated me -- it is more based on my own insecurities and past bad experiences... something that i definitely need to overcome.
second date: tired, but still fun
if i were to summarize the first date as magical, then the second one would be trial by tiredness. my stomach had been acting up for quite some time... maybe its boy or stress related, i'm not sure. that, coupled with not sleeping enough and having taught all day, but the time i was to meet up with adam for our date, i was exhausted. i drove down to his place to meet him after his dance practice. he had told me his liking for cookies, and so i brought him a batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and a spool of string for his capoiera instrument (something that he didn't have last time i was there). i love doing little things like that and he seemed to have really appreciated it. he strung up his capoeira instrument and gave me a little demonstration. i think i was joking with my roommate earlier that week that there must be some fatal flaw to adam because he just seemed so perfect... "maybe he's tone deaf," i said jokingly. well... as he played the instrument for me, i learned that he wasn't tone deaf. he's still "perfect" to me. we walked to dinner and had a great meal together. he told me some more about some of his past relationships. after dinner, we walked to the chicago chocolate cafe and sampled some yummy stuff. there he began his habit of taking pictures of me on his palm... this time it was next to a white chocolate fountain. :o) we walked around for a bit afterwards and talked. it was already a bit late, but we had planned on going to rhythm that night (we had been planning on rhythm from the first email exchange, actually), so we went anyway. we stayed just for one set and took off. on the walk back to my car in front of his place, we walked by a flowering tree and he picked a flower for me. the coolest thing about that night was that despite the fact that we were both so tired that neither one of us were finishing sentences, we still had a great time.
third date: "she's a summer storm, and i'm a hurricane..."
because i was going to be out of town for a poland training that weekend, i suggested meeting up for lunch that friday. i didn't realize you can pack so much magic and fun into such a short period of time. i packed leftovers and we met up near watertower for lunch. we found a little nook on the side of the old watertower and watched people walk by as we ate our lunches. we were marvelling at how great the weather was holding up because it was suppose to be storming... but it was sunny with a gentle breeze. he told me that he loved what i brought for lunch and appreciated that i had color-coordinated the napkins and lunch bag, etc. he notices little things like that and comments and compliments them. we didn't talk too much as we ate, but it was still easy to be with him. in his utter "adamness," he does a handstand right after lunch. :o) just randomly. that so him. 45 minutes pass, and we hear a rumble in the sky. "we should probably get going, huh? we've been out here for a bit," adam says. so we started walking towards my car at moody so i could drive him back to work. just as we started walking, it started to rain. now mind you, i'm in my tall boots and a skirt. not the most comfortable running attire, but we'll have to make due. the situation was just so humorous that i cannot help but giggle. we just ran in the rain towards moody. it was so hilarious. as we were waiting for the light to turn, he randomly does another handstand in the middle of the street. :o) a guy crossing the streets held out his hand to shake adams and gave him props for the handstand. "did you know him," i asked? "nope," he replied casually as we started to walk/run even more quickly down chicago avenue. it was starting to rain harder and harder.
it started pouring so badly that by the time we got to chicago rib house on chicago ave that we had to stop under the awning to wait for the rain to dissipate some. he takes my lunch bag and purse from me and puts it down and initiates our first "mini-salsa lesson" -- right there... two blocks away from moody. :o) it was so incredibly fun and funny that i forgot to realize how utterly romantic it was as well. we just danced a little and the rain slowed, allowing us to make it back to my car. we were totally soaked already. luckily, the rain didn't start pouring again until we were safely inside my car. i drove adam back to his work and left to get back to work.
he also brought me the first of three mixes that he made for me. the first song on there was "wilder than her" by dar williams, and just how appropriately the lyrics of that song fits us and even that day just added to the magic. i just love how the little details fall into place. there's no way he could have planned for that. and not to sound silly or self-absorbed to think that the Creator of the universe would "plan" such little things for me, but really... how else could these "coincidences" have happened as they had? God's fingerprints had to have been all over this for it to turn out as it had.
fourth date: dinner at my place
i would say that this was one of the less memorable dates for me just because i totally had freak out moments during and after the date... for no good reason, really, but just because i was fearful and wanted to pick things apart and not like him before he bails. i made salmon and quinoa and he LOVED everything i made. its so nice that he likes healthy foods and loves my cooking. sara and john were going to kind of be "around" that night, and that might have added to my own nervousness. john had bothered me the night before about this and when i told him not to embarrass me, he said, "i'm an autonomous individual! i can do what i want!" famous words from my favorite arminian. :o) so after dinner, i showed him some of my music and we just sat and chatted. i found that he wasn't very good at asking questions which troubled me for a bit. there were pauses here and there and at various times, we got up to give each other "dance lessons" (salsa or swing, depending on the pause). he just really knows how to make things fun. that night, i realized that while we had fun that he isn't entirely perfect. but that's ok. really.
fifth date: in sickness or in health
lest i scare you with the reference in that title, i just chose it because it was apt. i'm generally a pretty healthy person, but for some reason, i've been more sickly than usual. probably because of a lack of sleep, but i got pretty sick the week before our fifth date. it was right before memorial day weekend and i wanted to see him before he left town. so against better judgment, i went over to his place anyway to hang out. i brought him a bunch of books that we had talked about that day and he was excited like a little kid in a candy store. i love that he is a voracious reader and loves to learn. i love that he uses big words correctly and isn't intimidated by my knowledge. so, after we dropped off the books, we walked to a video store to get a movie. it was a nice day and it was fun to just walk around outside to take in the fresh air. i shared with him a bit about my church back in LA, and was able to talk a bit more freely that day for some reason. we got to the video store, picked up the movie and headed back. on the way back...
you guessed it. it must be something in our chemistry that calls for precipitation. it started to rain again. and it was pouring. pretty badly. and i had not quite recovered from my cold. and there was no awning to stop for a dance. we just ran back to his place as quickly as we could. i was wet but still happy. he has that affect on me. he gave me some dry clothes to change into and i towelled. i just hung out with him while he ate (because i was feeling a bit nauseous) and we watched the movie. i wasn't feeling too well, but it was to be expected. i was to pick up amy from the airport later that night, so i was just planning on hanging out with him till then. incidentally, he was telling me as he was eating that he had historically had a hard time dealing with people when they're sick (i.e., his ex-girlfriends). the movie was fun but confusing, and we joked about how neither one of us knows enough about science to really catch on.
well, i got up to go to the bathroom after the movie and i realized just how sick i was feeling. i was dizzy and saw flashing of lights before my eyes and my head was throbbing. perhaps it was not so obvious when i was watching the movie because flashing lights of the movie kinda makes you feel like that without really making you feel like that (if you know what i mean). so i got out of the bathroom and told adam i wasn't feeling well. he said maybe i should try to sleep it off for a bit before going to the airport and i agreed. but no matter how hard i tried to sleep or tried to shake the dizziness, my head was still spinning. i asked adam what i should do and he told me that he would do whatever i needed for him to do. he could drive with me to get amy and figure something out from there. i knew that he was tired as well and didn't want to put him out, but i really could not have driven safely that night... so he drove me to pick up amy and dropped us off. my wonderful roommate sara agreed to drive adam back to his place at that point. i apologized profusely because i didn't want to put him out, but he was so gracious and told me that there was nothing he'd rather be doing that night than to spend it with me. even though i was sick as a dog he still wanted to spend it with me. he took such good care of me despite his "warnings" of being bad at it... he really is amazing.
date sixth, seventh, eighth, eighth, eighth, eighth, and nineth: the weekend of the dtr.
have i lost you yet, dear reader? yes... this is lengthy, i apologize, but i will try to be brief on this one. throughout this time, we've been emailing, communicating and making plans to hang out. it just so happens that some of the plans that we made all fell on the same weekend... and i think it took that many consecutive dates together to build into what it is now...
date sixth was a surprise birthday party a friend of his was throwing for his wife and adam wanted me to go with him to this thing a while ago. i suggsted that since they are not christians, that we should bring them a book or something... evangelistic tool if nothing else. he was close to this friend who was throwing the party, but not the other people there. it was like we were kinda out of place and i felt a bit awkward because i wasn't sure who i was with him... he introduced me as "his friend, grace" and that was that. he was warm but still held back and appropriate. we had an interesting conversation in the car on the way to him dropping me off about views of family, goals, etc. when he left me that night, he gave me a huge hug, spun me around and a kiss on the cheek. i was excited that i got to see him the next day, and despite that, i didn't want to assume anything. he could just be a very affectionate friend.
date seventh came about because we talked about seeing this play and he was free that night... we decided against the play but since we were both free, i was going to bring dinner over to his place and look at old pictures and watch "rex the runt" together. i was going to his place after teaching. i went shopping after teaching and because i wanted to make sure that i was on time, i even set my phone alarm to make sure that would happen... i got out of there (you who know me would all have been proud) in time... unfortunately, brownie, my lovely car, was having problems that day. she refused to start for over an hour, then magically started again. so very bizzare. so i was running late... was tired from nto sleeping very much, and after cooking the meal and heading down, i thought to myself, what am i doing? i get to see him tomorrow, why am i even doing this? is this unwise? once i got there and saw him, though... everything was ok again. magically, my tiredness melted away and i was all about the moment. that's something i really appreciate about adam... he just somehow makes everything ok.
date eighth, eighth and eighth was the long day we got to spend together where the sparks were so very real that i couldn't write it off no matter how hard i tried. worshipping with him was amazing and going with him to another one of his friends' parties solidified to me that our interaction was very unique. for me, that was the beginning of when i felt pretty sure that things were mutual. we went to trader joes before he dropped me off at the poland meeting, and gave me a little salsa spin right there in the middle of the trader joes line. :0) at the poland meeting, my teammates all gave me such a hard time because i was beaming... and it was just that obvious. he picked me up after the meeting, we hung out at the beach, and i remembered angie's encouragement to me to just talk and not wait for him to ask... so i told him about my family and some of the mess there. he was attentive and gave me a sweet kiss on the forehead following that conversation and thanked me for sharing.
then we head off to the song of solomon class with dr. sauer. lets just say that dr. sauer has a way with things... he's so great... blunt, honest, and just so appropriate. he decided to let the spirit lead and talked about "kissing" for quite some time, which made me quite uncomfortable. afterwards, we bumped into some of his friends and joined them for dinner. he later told me that they questioned him as to his interest in me when i went to the bathroom and he didn't bother to correct them. on the drive home, our conversations surrounding the song of solomon class led to our first defining talk... he told me he was very attracted to me and thought that i was not only beautiful, but all of the godly characteristics that solomon attributed to his lover. he said he wanted to be patient and not rush things, and i agreed that was a good thing. so we didn't really define things till...
the next night (we are picture of patience, aren't we? ;o) ) after leading a Bible study with him and a girl from his dance company :o).
i guess, as they say, the rest is history.
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i'm not sure where to begin and what to say. but i know i want to write this down. no clever beginnings for this post, dear readers, that would tie it all together neatly. i cannot see the end to this stream of consciousness recollection because i don't know yet. there's so much i still don't know yet.
its 5:51. this is the third day in a row waking up before my alarm. i am unbelievably sleep deprived but i have not felt more content or calm and still at the edge of crying. :o) all of these things i'm feeling and experiencing are so surreal because i am having a hard time believing in its veracity. i suppose this is an extension of the "helikemehelikesmehelikesme" elated post. there's so much to say and i'm rambling. maybe i should start backwards. or forward? (this thing will need some serious editing that i'm sure i won't do. :o) but i think it'll be worth your read).
the verse "i would have despaired unless i believed in the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" has been an encouragment to me for such a long time. but what that "goodness" is, i've always had a difficult time understanding. i don't think i trust pure goodness... i am very wary of it, actually. i feel like at any minute, something is going to snap and things will take a nosedive for the worse. it is much easier for me to expect the worse than to actually believe that something good is happening. all of the verses about suffering i get... and finding joy in suffering, yes.... i've understood and experienced that too. but pure happiness? pure goodness? with no strings attached? could this be for real?
could adam be for real?
i'm not exaggerating here, but every moment with adam is magical.
the first date: instant chemistry
magical -- from the very first time we met. i still remember the excitment and fear that i felt on our first date. i never believed in spark or instant chemistry, but there was something there even in the very first moments. i was scared to allow myself to feel it, but being with him was just so easy. we just talked and talked and time just flew by. there was no disparity between the person i was communicating with online and the one who sat in front of me. could this super hot, cool guy really be interested in me? in me? no really. there must be some mistake here.
his smile beamed at me through the glass doors of l'apetito, this cute little coffee shop on michigan avenue where we met up. i thought he was hot just from his pictures before, but he was just as cute if not cuter in person. and he was so stylish, so chic, so cool. while a part of me wants to distrust that, he was so genuine. conversation was natural and fun from the very beginning. despite how "cool" he was, i felt instantly comfortable. there was no self-consciousness. just flow-neutral pretty much from the beginning.
he greeted me with a hug and a single pink tulip that he pulled out of his coat pocket. it was just so well-suited for our first date. i can't even begin to capture all of the little details i noticed. we sat in the coffee shop and talked non-stop for a good hour or so and didn't even stop to breathe long enough for coffee or a treat. from there, we walked to get dinner, and he was a perfect gentleman. he opened doors, walked on the outside of the road, attentive, and just plain fun. on the way to dinner, he saw a friend of his driving away from a gas station and bolted after her, stopped her and introduced her to me. he's just so like that. crazy. spontaneous. never ceases to surprise me. but the interesting thing about adam is that he strikes a balance between that and being steady and methodical. he confesses that he is very methodical and habitual, something that would be good for me to have in my life.
i got us lost (of course) on our way to the sushi place, but as we were ready to change plans, we stumbled upon it. i was so not hungry that all i had for dinner was 3 pieces of sushi. if you know me, you know that's just so out of character for me... but i was so happy i didn't need food. :o) (the boy buzz has actually caused some significant natural weight loss for which i am thankful :o) ). after dinner, we took the el back to his place so he could drive me home afterwards. there was a moment on the el when we were facing each other that i felt a spark that i've honestly never felt before. it was so very movie-like.
his place was cute and well-kept, and he showed me different parts of his life. he showed me his portfolio of art, some of his pictures, a video of capoeira, etc. the thing that struck me was despite his talent, he was nevertheless very down to earth. any tinge of arrogance would have caused me doubt and turned me off, but there was not even a hint. we hung out there for a while then he drove me home. and on the drive home, he told me that he doesn't remember smiling this much and talking this naturally with anyone for such an extended period of time. it made me smile but it also scared me because i've heard that line before and was wondering if this would result in yet another "buddy." because i enjoyed myself so much with him, i was so afraid that this was the first and last date. unfortunately that seems to be a recurring fear with him based not from who he is and how he has treated me -- it is more based on my own insecurities and past bad experiences... something that i definitely need to overcome.
second date: tired, but still fun
if i were to summarize the first date as magical, then the second one would be trial by tiredness. my stomach had been acting up for quite some time... maybe its boy or stress related, i'm not sure. that, coupled with not sleeping enough and having taught all day, but the time i was to meet up with adam for our date, i was exhausted. i drove down to his place to meet him after his dance practice. he had told me his liking for cookies, and so i brought him a batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and a spool of string for his capoiera instrument (something that he didn't have last time i was there). i love doing little things like that and he seemed to have really appreciated it. he strung up his capoeira instrument and gave me a little demonstration. i think i was joking with my roommate earlier that week that there must be some fatal flaw to adam because he just seemed so perfect... "maybe he's tone deaf," i said jokingly. well... as he played the instrument for me, i learned that he wasn't tone deaf. he's still "perfect" to me. we walked to dinner and had a great meal together. he told me some more about some of his past relationships. after dinner, we walked to the chicago chocolate cafe and sampled some yummy stuff. there he began his habit of taking pictures of me on his palm... this time it was next to a white chocolate fountain. :o) we walked around for a bit afterwards and talked. it was already a bit late, but we had planned on going to rhythm that night (we had been planning on rhythm from the first email exchange, actually), so we went anyway. we stayed just for one set and took off. on the walk back to my car in front of his place, we walked by a flowering tree and he picked a flower for me. the coolest thing about that night was that despite the fact that we were both so tired that neither one of us were finishing sentences, we still had a great time.
third date: "she's a summer storm, and i'm a hurricane..."
because i was going to be out of town for a poland training that weekend, i suggested meeting up for lunch that friday. i didn't realize you can pack so much magic and fun into such a short period of time. i packed leftovers and we met up near watertower for lunch. we found a little nook on the side of the old watertower and watched people walk by as we ate our lunches. we were marvelling at how great the weather was holding up because it was suppose to be storming... but it was sunny with a gentle breeze. he told me that he loved what i brought for lunch and appreciated that i had color-coordinated the napkins and lunch bag, etc. he notices little things like that and comments and compliments them. we didn't talk too much as we ate, but it was still easy to be with him. in his utter "adamness," he does a handstand right after lunch. :o) just randomly. that so him. 45 minutes pass, and we hear a rumble in the sky. "we should probably get going, huh? we've been out here for a bit," adam says. so we started walking towards my car at moody so i could drive him back to work. just as we started walking, it started to rain. now mind you, i'm in my tall boots and a skirt. not the most comfortable running attire, but we'll have to make due. the situation was just so humorous that i cannot help but giggle. we just ran in the rain towards moody. it was so hilarious. as we were waiting for the light to turn, he randomly does another handstand in the middle of the street. :o) a guy crossing the streets held out his hand to shake adams and gave him props for the handstand. "did you know him," i asked? "nope," he replied casually as we started to walk/run even more quickly down chicago avenue. it was starting to rain harder and harder.
it started pouring so badly that by the time we got to chicago rib house on chicago ave that we had to stop under the awning to wait for the rain to dissipate some. he takes my lunch bag and purse from me and puts it down and initiates our first "mini-salsa lesson" -- right there... two blocks away from moody. :o) it was so incredibly fun and funny that i forgot to realize how utterly romantic it was as well. we just danced a little and the rain slowed, allowing us to make it back to my car. we were totally soaked already. luckily, the rain didn't start pouring again until we were safely inside my car. i drove adam back to his work and left to get back to work.
he also brought me the first of three mixes that he made for me. the first song on there was "wilder than her" by dar williams, and just how appropriately the lyrics of that song fits us and even that day just added to the magic. i just love how the little details fall into place. there's no way he could have planned for that. and not to sound silly or self-absorbed to think that the Creator of the universe would "plan" such little things for me, but really... how else could these "coincidences" have happened as they had? God's fingerprints had to have been all over this for it to turn out as it had.
fourth date: dinner at my place
i would say that this was one of the less memorable dates for me just because i totally had freak out moments during and after the date... for no good reason, really, but just because i was fearful and wanted to pick things apart and not like him before he bails. i made salmon and quinoa and he LOVED everything i made. its so nice that he likes healthy foods and loves my cooking. sara and john were going to kind of be "around" that night, and that might have added to my own nervousness. john had bothered me the night before about this and when i told him not to embarrass me, he said, "i'm an autonomous individual! i can do what i want!" famous words from my favorite arminian. :o) so after dinner, i showed him some of my music and we just sat and chatted. i found that he wasn't very good at asking questions which troubled me for a bit. there were pauses here and there and at various times, we got up to give each other "dance lessons" (salsa or swing, depending on the pause). he just really knows how to make things fun. that night, i realized that while we had fun that he isn't entirely perfect. but that's ok. really.
fifth date: in sickness or in health
lest i scare you with the reference in that title, i just chose it because it was apt. i'm generally a pretty healthy person, but for some reason, i've been more sickly than usual. probably because of a lack of sleep, but i got pretty sick the week before our fifth date. it was right before memorial day weekend and i wanted to see him before he left town. so against better judgment, i went over to his place anyway to hang out. i brought him a bunch of books that we had talked about that day and he was excited like a little kid in a candy store. i love that he is a voracious reader and loves to learn. i love that he uses big words correctly and isn't intimidated by my knowledge. so, after we dropped off the books, we walked to a video store to get a movie. it was a nice day and it was fun to just walk around outside to take in the fresh air. i shared with him a bit about my church back in LA, and was able to talk a bit more freely that day for some reason. we got to the video store, picked up the movie and headed back. on the way back...
you guessed it. it must be something in our chemistry that calls for precipitation. it started to rain again. and it was pouring. pretty badly. and i had not quite recovered from my cold. and there was no awning to stop for a dance. we just ran back to his place as quickly as we could. i was wet but still happy. he has that affect on me. he gave me some dry clothes to change into and i towelled. i just hung out with him while he ate (because i was feeling a bit nauseous) and we watched the movie. i wasn't feeling too well, but it was to be expected. i was to pick up amy from the airport later that night, so i was just planning on hanging out with him till then. incidentally, he was telling me as he was eating that he had historically had a hard time dealing with people when they're sick (i.e., his ex-girlfriends). the movie was fun but confusing, and we joked about how neither one of us knows enough about science to really catch on.
well, i got up to go to the bathroom after the movie and i realized just how sick i was feeling. i was dizzy and saw flashing of lights before my eyes and my head was throbbing. perhaps it was not so obvious when i was watching the movie because flashing lights of the movie kinda makes you feel like that without really making you feel like that (if you know what i mean). so i got out of the bathroom and told adam i wasn't feeling well. he said maybe i should try to sleep it off for a bit before going to the airport and i agreed. but no matter how hard i tried to sleep or tried to shake the dizziness, my head was still spinning. i asked adam what i should do and he told me that he would do whatever i needed for him to do. he could drive with me to get amy and figure something out from there. i knew that he was tired as well and didn't want to put him out, but i really could not have driven safely that night... so he drove me to pick up amy and dropped us off. my wonderful roommate sara agreed to drive adam back to his place at that point. i apologized profusely because i didn't want to put him out, but he was so gracious and told me that there was nothing he'd rather be doing that night than to spend it with me. even though i was sick as a dog he still wanted to spend it with me. he took such good care of me despite his "warnings" of being bad at it... he really is amazing.
date sixth, seventh, eighth, eighth, eighth, eighth, and nineth: the weekend of the dtr.
have i lost you yet, dear reader? yes... this is lengthy, i apologize, but i will try to be brief on this one. throughout this time, we've been emailing, communicating and making plans to hang out. it just so happens that some of the plans that we made all fell on the same weekend... and i think it took that many consecutive dates together to build into what it is now...
date sixth was a surprise birthday party a friend of his was throwing for his wife and adam wanted me to go with him to this thing a while ago. i suggsted that since they are not christians, that we should bring them a book or something... evangelistic tool if nothing else. he was close to this friend who was throwing the party, but not the other people there. it was like we were kinda out of place and i felt a bit awkward because i wasn't sure who i was with him... he introduced me as "his friend, grace" and that was that. he was warm but still held back and appropriate. we had an interesting conversation in the car on the way to him dropping me off about views of family, goals, etc. when he left me that night, he gave me a huge hug, spun me around and a kiss on the cheek. i was excited that i got to see him the next day, and despite that, i didn't want to assume anything. he could just be a very affectionate friend.
date seventh came about because we talked about seeing this play and he was free that night... we decided against the play but since we were both free, i was going to bring dinner over to his place and look at old pictures and watch "rex the runt" together. i was going to his place after teaching. i went shopping after teaching and because i wanted to make sure that i was on time, i even set my phone alarm to make sure that would happen... i got out of there (you who know me would all have been proud) in time... unfortunately, brownie, my lovely car, was having problems that day. she refused to start for over an hour, then magically started again. so very bizzare. so i was running late... was tired from nto sleeping very much, and after cooking the meal and heading down, i thought to myself, what am i doing? i get to see him tomorrow, why am i even doing this? is this unwise? once i got there and saw him, though... everything was ok again. magically, my tiredness melted away and i was all about the moment. that's something i really appreciate about adam... he just somehow makes everything ok.
date eighth, eighth and eighth was the long day we got to spend together where the sparks were so very real that i couldn't write it off no matter how hard i tried. worshipping with him was amazing and going with him to another one of his friends' parties solidified to me that our interaction was very unique. for me, that was the beginning of when i felt pretty sure that things were mutual. we went to trader joes before he dropped me off at the poland meeting, and gave me a little salsa spin right there in the middle of the trader joes line. :0) at the poland meeting, my teammates all gave me such a hard time because i was beaming... and it was just that obvious. he picked me up after the meeting, we hung out at the beach, and i remembered angie's encouragement to me to just talk and not wait for him to ask... so i told him about my family and some of the mess there. he was attentive and gave me a sweet kiss on the forehead following that conversation and thanked me for sharing.
then we head off to the song of solomon class with dr. sauer. lets just say that dr. sauer has a way with things... he's so great... blunt, honest, and just so appropriate. he decided to let the spirit lead and talked about "kissing" for quite some time, which made me quite uncomfortable. afterwards, we bumped into some of his friends and joined them for dinner. he later told me that they questioned him as to his interest in me when i went to the bathroom and he didn't bother to correct them. on the drive home, our conversations surrounding the song of solomon class led to our first defining talk... he told me he was very attracted to me and thought that i was not only beautiful, but all of the godly characteristics that solomon attributed to his lover. he said he wanted to be patient and not rush things, and i agreed that was a good thing. so we didn't really define things till...
the next night (we are picture of patience, aren't we? ;o) ) after leading a Bible study with him and a girl from his dance company :o).
i guess, as they say, the rest is history.
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