Monday, April 05, 2004
... a sad face, is good for the heart... its alright girl you don't have to smile, a sad face is good for the heart of a child, a sad face... -- the choir
i know my sadness is birthed from selfishness, but that doesn't make my emotions any less real. i'm having a hard time even acknowledging it. i guess even though i say that i'm a cynic, and that i don't trust easily, the romantic in me sometimes allow myself to grasp onto a possibility and hope in it.
have you ever wonder "what if"? i'm generally someone who likes to live with no regrets, and generally i'm pretty good at not looking back. but there are some doors that feels ajar when really they are or ought to be closed and locked. i'm sad because of hopeful promises that are broken -- and today is the confirmation of that. its strange to me that i care when i know i shouldn't. maybe this is divine retribution for hoping in something that was never mine to hope in.
i don't know.
all i know is that i'm sad... and i'm hurt. (does admitting and actually feeling make it more a reality and then can be better dealt with? or am i indulging in emotions i shouldn't even be feeling and thus making it worse?)
i don't know.
the sadness is for today only (i hope)... and maybe the pain will make me wiser (but not cynical or bitter, i hope).
(i hope? mmm... i hope.)
(0) comments
i know my sadness is birthed from selfishness, but that doesn't make my emotions any less real. i'm having a hard time even acknowledging it. i guess even though i say that i'm a cynic, and that i don't trust easily, the romantic in me sometimes allow myself to grasp onto a possibility and hope in it.
have you ever wonder "what if"? i'm generally someone who likes to live with no regrets, and generally i'm pretty good at not looking back. but there are some doors that feels ajar when really they are or ought to be closed and locked. i'm sad because of hopeful promises that are broken -- and today is the confirmation of that. its strange to me that i care when i know i shouldn't. maybe this is divine retribution for hoping in something that was never mine to hope in.
i don't know.
all i know is that i'm sad... and i'm hurt. (does admitting and actually feeling make it more a reality and then can be better dealt with? or am i indulging in emotions i shouldn't even be feeling and thus making it worse?)
i don't know.
the sadness is for today only (i hope)... and maybe the pain will make me wiser (but not cynical or bitter, i hope).
(i hope? mmm... i hope.)
(0) comments
