Wednesday, April 28, 2004
goodbye my love, i am going, i am slowing you down
i can feel you stop breathing when i come around. i'm slowing you down
everyday... love turns its back and just stands in my way
goodbye my love, you don't get me, you don't let me inside
you once keep me close when you wanted to hide, you pulled me in close just to push me aside... goodbye.
everyday... love turns its back just to stand in my way
goodbye my love, i know you won't follow me far, once i went out just too look at the stars
i asked you to join me but you were too tired. i wanted you to see them too... how could i let myself need you?
kind of non-sequitor, it seems... but that song has been playing in my head since i woke up this morning. not quite where it came from, other than the fact that i've been listening to a lot of lisa loeb lately. its funny... i've always kinda liked her, and have been called the "asian lisa loeb" but the more i listen to her and understand her lyrics, the more i'm like, dude... we ARE a like! :o) down to some strange lyrical connections we would make and the thing is, since i didn't listen to her much before now, i know that my style wasn't really influenced by hers. anyway, i digress.
its been quite a few days since i've written, huh? there has been a welcomed denouement in the constant wheel-spinning in my mind. with deadlines at work and such, i've not dedicated much time to thinking. after i was done with my deadline, i went to cali to hang out with a friend for the weekend. i was thinking that i would have time to just chill in coffee shops and think and read, but that didn't really happen. that's ok, though... it was really really fun nevertheless. i am so thankful for generous friends who are so good to me! they are definitely a gift from the Lord. :o) with them, its not just financial generosity, but their listening ears. it was refreshing to be babied once again.
i missed california for many reasons... but its starting to feel less and less like home, unfortunately. not that i feel more at home in chicago, but yeah... weird. especially the "reverse" culture shock of being surrounded by asians. not quite used to that. also strange to see so many people around me getting married. people my age, people younger than me, etc. makes me think about where i am in life and where i ought to be (family? career? ministry?). i know that i am right where God wants me for now, but i would like to be able to see into the future just a wee bit. a part of me would love to be married, but a larger part of me knows that its not for me right now -- as much as i wish that were not the case. there's just a lot of things i think i have to figure out first. it would be nice to think that i could figure them out with someone else and develop these things together, but i i think i'm often much too easily influenced and i think a lot of it is things i have to figure out with the Lord.
talked on the phone with my grandma after i got back because i didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and she said, we should savor our times together because each time i see her could be our last. she says this very calmly, not with a fear of death, but an understanding of her age and stage of life. my attempt to make light of the situation is to say that she won't pass away yet, because i want her to see me get married. "so pray hard for me, ok, grandma?" i would say to her. and she would giggle. its cute. but honestly, i would love for her to see me get married, but she's 95. so who knows if that's even a reality at that point. mmm... one can hope....
(0) comments
i can feel you stop breathing when i come around. i'm slowing you down
everyday... love turns its back and just stands in my way
goodbye my love, you don't get me, you don't let me inside
you once keep me close when you wanted to hide, you pulled me in close just to push me aside... goodbye.
everyday... love turns its back just to stand in my way
goodbye my love, i know you won't follow me far, once i went out just too look at the stars
i asked you to join me but you were too tired. i wanted you to see them too... how could i let myself need you?
kind of non-sequitor, it seems... but that song has been playing in my head since i woke up this morning. not quite where it came from, other than the fact that i've been listening to a lot of lisa loeb lately. its funny... i've always kinda liked her, and have been called the "asian lisa loeb" but the more i listen to her and understand her lyrics, the more i'm like, dude... we ARE a like! :o) down to some strange lyrical connections we would make and the thing is, since i didn't listen to her much before now, i know that my style wasn't really influenced by hers. anyway, i digress.
its been quite a few days since i've written, huh? there has been a welcomed denouement in the constant wheel-spinning in my mind. with deadlines at work and such, i've not dedicated much time to thinking. after i was done with my deadline, i went to cali to hang out with a friend for the weekend. i was thinking that i would have time to just chill in coffee shops and think and read, but that didn't really happen. that's ok, though... it was really really fun nevertheless. i am so thankful for generous friends who are so good to me! they are definitely a gift from the Lord. :o) with them, its not just financial generosity, but their listening ears. it was refreshing to be babied once again.
i missed california for many reasons... but its starting to feel less and less like home, unfortunately. not that i feel more at home in chicago, but yeah... weird. especially the "reverse" culture shock of being surrounded by asians. not quite used to that. also strange to see so many people around me getting married. people my age, people younger than me, etc. makes me think about where i am in life and where i ought to be (family? career? ministry?). i know that i am right where God wants me for now, but i would like to be able to see into the future just a wee bit. a part of me would love to be married, but a larger part of me knows that its not for me right now -- as much as i wish that were not the case. there's just a lot of things i think i have to figure out first. it would be nice to think that i could figure them out with someone else and develop these things together, but i i think i'm often much too easily influenced and i think a lot of it is things i have to figure out with the Lord.
talked on the phone with my grandma after i got back because i didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and she said, we should savor our times together because each time i see her could be our last. she says this very calmly, not with a fear of death, but an understanding of her age and stage of life. my attempt to make light of the situation is to say that she won't pass away yet, because i want her to see me get married. "so pray hard for me, ok, grandma?" i would say to her. and she would giggle. its cute. but honestly, i would love for her to see me get married, but she's 95. so who knows if that's even a reality at that point. mmm... one can hope....
(0) comments
