Wednesday, September 21, 2005
are we as humans and sinners, always going to allow circumstances to dictate our joy? i wish this were not the case. i wish somehow that i had the tenacity to be able to look past my immediate situation and see God's hand in all of this.
changes loom and while adam has been a wonderfully enjoyable distraction from it all, those unpleasant changes are still a reality. how am i suppose to think and plan ahead with so many uncertainties in my life? do i look for a job that will pay more or a job that will make me happy? do i sit and wait for something to happen or do i go and make something happen? sitting and waiting is so difficult. its even more difficult when the path of waiting isn't a pleasant one.
i've always been encouraged by the way God has taken care of me in terms of my career and finances. i remember thinking at one point, "well God, i don't need stability in THAT area of my life, i just want stability in a relationship, that's all...." perhaps God is "answering" that with this situation. things with adam are great, but the reality of life and the responsibilities that come along with life will have to be dealt with at one point or another. the romantic in me wants to believe that love is all that matters but i guess what i'm currently experiencing is that there is a lot more to it then that, unfortunately. what will all of that look like?
i've "gotten" what i've always wanted in adam and now even that's not enough? i want to know that everything will work out. finances, job, etc. everything. i know that there's something really wrong with that way of thinking and i need to not think that way.
why does everything have to be figured out? maybe so i can "rest." but shouldn't that rest be found in my Lord? just like i need to rest in Him in my singleness and loneliness, i need to rest on Him in these uncertainties, knowing that He will in His infinite wisdom work it out in His timing. i know this to be the truth. can i live like i believe it?
... today, i'm thankful that God is immutable, that while situations all around me can change, He will never change. His soveriegnty is over all things and if nothing else, i can still trust that.
changes loom and while adam has been a wonderfully enjoyable distraction from it all, those unpleasant changes are still a reality. how am i suppose to think and plan ahead with so many uncertainties in my life? do i look for a job that will pay more or a job that will make me happy? do i sit and wait for something to happen or do i go and make something happen? sitting and waiting is so difficult. its even more difficult when the path of waiting isn't a pleasant one.
i've always been encouraged by the way God has taken care of me in terms of my career and finances. i remember thinking at one point, "well God, i don't need stability in THAT area of my life, i just want stability in a relationship, that's all...." perhaps God is "answering" that with this situation. things with adam are great, but the reality of life and the responsibilities that come along with life will have to be dealt with at one point or another. the romantic in me wants to believe that love is all that matters but i guess what i'm currently experiencing is that there is a lot more to it then that, unfortunately. what will all of that look like?
i've "gotten" what i've always wanted in adam and now even that's not enough? i want to know that everything will work out. finances, job, etc. everything. i know that there's something really wrong with that way of thinking and i need to not think that way.
why does everything have to be figured out? maybe so i can "rest." but shouldn't that rest be found in my Lord? just like i need to rest in Him in my singleness and loneliness, i need to rest on Him in these uncertainties, knowing that He will in His infinite wisdom work it out in His timing. i know this to be the truth. can i live like i believe it?
... today, i'm thankful that God is immutable, that while situations all around me can change, He will never change. His soveriegnty is over all things and if nothing else, i can still trust that.
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