my ramblings...

seems like sense has returned... thank the Word

God is so gracious to me. He really doesn't have to answer as quickly as He does, but He did. no no... not in settling the "status" with the boy (although that would be nice), but simply helping me to regain my sanity regarding the boy. Scripture is amazingly poignant and healing in this matter. passages that i had memorized in the past or know of came to rebuke, correct and exhort me.

its amazing how the Holy Spirit can bring to mind Scripture and knit it together to just work your heart over. these were the verses God used on my heart this week:

• "above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" prov 4:23. the nasb uses the phrase "watch over your heart with all dilligence." this reminded me of the importance of guarding my emotions. but really, what does that mean? i remember i blogged previously concerning this idea. is it to put up walls? i remember concluding that no, it is in "trusting the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." so entrusting the Lord with my heart... but what else?
• "little children, guard your heart from idols" 1 john 5:21. i remember when i was studying 1 john with my small group in college and thinking... wow, this verse seems out of place. we are talking about love, and what it means to be in Christ, etc... and combating pre-gnostic thinking, etc... so how does this fit. oh it so fits. seems that idols are the bane of our collective experience... and most, if not all sins can be traced therein. guarding my heart means guarding my heart from idols. are these emotions causing me to create idols?
• "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but the woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised" prov 31:30. the speaker a the retreat this weekend (it was siggy) reminded us that this verse not only applies to women, but also men. i kinda knew that, but to be reminded of it made me apply it to my situation. why am i feeling so much for this person i hardly know? am i falling for his charm and beauty which is deceitful and vain? if that's the case, then i'm digging myself into trouble. and if he truly fears the Lord, then i should not be afraid that he would not like me if my desire is also to pursue the fear of the Lord above all else. hadn't i learned this before? why does it seem i have to learn it over and over and over again?
• "rejoice in the Lord always; again i will say rejoice! let your gentle spirit be known to all men. the Lord is near. be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpass all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, what ever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." phil 4: 4-9. and this is the practical applications of all of this. i remember also college small group talking about the "whatever" verse in the book "loving God with all your mind." seems the the things i learn i have to keep learning over and over again... it comes back, and in new skin, asking for new applications. these are pretty "well-known" verses, but often we know them separately... but in context and in connection with one another, it is a powerful statment of how not to be anxious, how to attain the peace of God and what guarding your heart in Christ Jesus looks like.

dear Father, your Word is truly amazing. i forget sometimes... i forget sometimes how powerful it is and how it has the power to change hearts and minds. thank you so much for helping me to get my emotions under control a bit... that is totally your grace. and i pray, Lord that as i proceed, that i would have your glory and your will at the forefront of my mind and know that you will bless and honor if it is what you deem good. and i do not want to value anything that you have not deemed good. help me to value what you value and love what you love.