Wednesday, May 04, 2005
my roommate asked me last night if i had blogged lately. when i said no, she was surprised because of all that has gone on. i think i'm just feeling entirely overwhelmed and don't even know what to write.
left speechless. now that is new.
well, more changes are coming down the pike -- my wonderful roommate will be getting married in october, there is still uncertainty at work, about the future (going back to grad school?), about life in general and of course... the added element of "boy stuff."
i met someone recently who just totally impressed me... and THAT has totally thrown me. i still can't figure out what all is playing into this. yes, he's fun, and interesting and well-adjusted. but i'm not sure where i stand with him and i want to know. all "reason" and "logic" seemed to have been thrown out the window and quite frankly, i really don't like this feeling. i don't want fear to be driving me away from this possibility... but maybe there are other reasons for me to be cautious.
it has been an entirely humbling experience. i used to think i was more rational and in control of my emotions than this. i used to think i was more secure. sensible. but it seems that everything is thrown out the window with him. its kind of an exciting feeling and so i want to "go with it" because its new, but i also think its definitely not wise to do so. i can definitely see that this is high time to apply what i know... to discipline my mind and emotions. wow. i'm just so surprised at myself... at how weak, vulnerable and "not ready" for this i am. i had such a wrong estimation of myself in this regard.
dear reader, please pray for me and with me concerning this. i do want this... i want it a lot. but i want to want God's will more than that. i want to respond rightly in this matter... i want to honor God in my approach.
... dear God, thank you for your patience with me, and how you love me despite my weaknesses and are kind enough to show them to me so that i can change. so Lord... please help me to change and have victory in this area of my life -- for your glory alone.
left speechless. now that is new.
well, more changes are coming down the pike -- my wonderful roommate will be getting married in october, there is still uncertainty at work, about the future (going back to grad school?), about life in general and of course... the added element of "boy stuff."
i met someone recently who just totally impressed me... and THAT has totally thrown me. i still can't figure out what all is playing into this. yes, he's fun, and interesting and well-adjusted. but i'm not sure where i stand with him and i want to know. all "reason" and "logic" seemed to have been thrown out the window and quite frankly, i really don't like this feeling. i don't want fear to be driving me away from this possibility... but maybe there are other reasons for me to be cautious.
it has been an entirely humbling experience. i used to think i was more rational and in control of my emotions than this. i used to think i was more secure. sensible. but it seems that everything is thrown out the window with him. its kind of an exciting feeling and so i want to "go with it" because its new, but i also think its definitely not wise to do so. i can definitely see that this is high time to apply what i know... to discipline my mind and emotions. wow. i'm just so surprised at myself... at how weak, vulnerable and "not ready" for this i am. i had such a wrong estimation of myself in this regard.
dear reader, please pray for me and with me concerning this. i do want this... i want it a lot. but i want to want God's will more than that. i want to respond rightly in this matter... i want to honor God in my approach.
... dear God, thank you for your patience with me, and how you love me despite my weaknesses and are kind enough to show them to me so that i can change. so Lord... please help me to change and have victory in this area of my life -- for your glory alone.
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