Monday, October 18, 2004
surprised by joy
i know i'm kinda stealing this from c. s. lewis, but it works. i actually had a wonderful birthday, and a wonderful birthday surprise by some of my dear, dear friends. angie did a great job at planning the surprise, and i was surprised and felt loved by the people that mean the most to me in the chicagoland area. its weird to me how i let other -- definitely less significant -- people in my life make me feel uncared for. maybe they just honestly don't know how to care, and honestly, why do i care whether they do or not? not sure what "bigger" principle there is to be derived from that other than maybe i just want what i can't have? or maybe i'm too much of a people pleaser? not sure...
while i had a ton of fun friday night and felt loved by my friends, part of what made the weekend so special to me was a run i had on saturday morning while i was listening to 2 john piper sermons and feeling hopeful about the coming year. it was a weird hopeful, though. it was a hopeful with/through sadness. he "defined" joy, desire, and delight... and how joy is not for the end of happiness. its not about having a white picket fence... its about having joy despite trials and suffering. oh, how little i know about true suffering! i know ideaologically i agree with him, but practically, i have not been actively believing this. i feel challenged to pursue that more this year. he also mentioned something about sadness not dissipating, and that it will be a fight to attain that joy. hearing about a man who suffered through depression for 8 years sounds so arduous... but i also felt the comfort of the Lord affirming to me that He will not give me more than what i can handle. its a reassuring feeling. so, maybe my "sadness" would be my loneliness or singleness. if that doesn't dissipate, i know that God will give me the grace to have joy even in that situation. i just have to fight for it... and fight for it depending solely on him. i was teary-eyed when i ran... but it was a good feeling of recommittment.
third very encouraging thing that happened... an acquaintance with whom i've had some conflict and uneasiness came up to me on sunday (i had sent her an email this past week) to let me know that everything is ok. i can't even tell you how happy i was to see a situation of conflict and tension possibly be "fixed." and then i bumped into another girl with whom there's sometimes weirdness and she seemed happy as well. i'm not sure if its just my perception or if something is actually different, but i'm so very thankful to see God working in their lives and to see them happy -- perhaps even joyful -- and that there is unity in the body.
... today, i'm thankful for God's powerful grace in the way He works in all of our lives.... i'm thankful that He's patient, longsuffering, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
i know i'm kinda stealing this from c. s. lewis, but it works. i actually had a wonderful birthday, and a wonderful birthday surprise by some of my dear, dear friends. angie did a great job at planning the surprise, and i was surprised and felt loved by the people that mean the most to me in the chicagoland area. its weird to me how i let other -- definitely less significant -- people in my life make me feel uncared for. maybe they just honestly don't know how to care, and honestly, why do i care whether they do or not? not sure what "bigger" principle there is to be derived from that other than maybe i just want what i can't have? or maybe i'm too much of a people pleaser? not sure...
while i had a ton of fun friday night and felt loved by my friends, part of what made the weekend so special to me was a run i had on saturday morning while i was listening to 2 john piper sermons and feeling hopeful about the coming year. it was a weird hopeful, though. it was a hopeful with/through sadness. he "defined" joy, desire, and delight... and how joy is not for the end of happiness. its not about having a white picket fence... its about having joy despite trials and suffering. oh, how little i know about true suffering! i know ideaologically i agree with him, but practically, i have not been actively believing this. i feel challenged to pursue that more this year. he also mentioned something about sadness not dissipating, and that it will be a fight to attain that joy. hearing about a man who suffered through depression for 8 years sounds so arduous... but i also felt the comfort of the Lord affirming to me that He will not give me more than what i can handle. its a reassuring feeling. so, maybe my "sadness" would be my loneliness or singleness. if that doesn't dissipate, i know that God will give me the grace to have joy even in that situation. i just have to fight for it... and fight for it depending solely on him. i was teary-eyed when i ran... but it was a good feeling of recommittment.
third very encouraging thing that happened... an acquaintance with whom i've had some conflict and uneasiness came up to me on sunday (i had sent her an email this past week) to let me know that everything is ok. i can't even tell you how happy i was to see a situation of conflict and tension possibly be "fixed." and then i bumped into another girl with whom there's sometimes weirdness and she seemed happy as well. i'm not sure if its just my perception or if something is actually different, but i'm so very thankful to see God working in their lives and to see them happy -- perhaps even joyful -- and that there is unity in the body.
... today, i'm thankful for God's powerful grace in the way He works in all of our lives.... i'm thankful that He's patient, longsuffering, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
Comments:
hi again! you posted twice! :) must be tired on a monday, eh? i'm glad to hear how much God is teaching you. and i'm glad you have dear friends out in chicago, too! have fun moving this week! wish i could be there to help you!
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