Sunday, August 08, 2004
i ought to be working right now, but of course, i'm stalling instead. two conversations this weekend has put this on the forefront of my mind...
"high-maintenance"... how would you define that concept?
john accused me of being that the other day. quite frankly, i know this about myself, but i never saw it as pejoratively as when he allied me with some of his least favorite people (and this is one of my best friends, mind you! )... that was not the most positive feeling. when i asked him to further elaborate, he said it has to do with emotionally charged situations that continues in cycles. while (unfortunately) that is true of me, that's not what i think of as high-maintenance. to me, i'm just someone who needs attention and affection. to me, that's just "knowing myself"... not necessarily a positive or negative thing. when paired with the right people, i can see it being an ok thing... the way john described it, however, sounds really draining and annoying, and where he assured me that i'm not THAT bad, i would hate to think that i'm someone who is emotionally draining REGARDLESS to what degree i am that.
then today at lunch, i asked another friend of mine (with whom i often discuss theories and ruminate) how she would define the term... and she, ironically, defines it similarly to john: someone who is constantly in a cycle of thought... who allows circumstances and situations to dictate their emotions. great. that is true of me as well, unfortunately. it makes me sad because i feel like i'm doomed to this part of my personality, but she thinks that it is something that you can move past. i'm honestly not so certain. reader, what say you to this? is it something innate or conditioned, and if conditioned, can it be changed?
andy would often tease me about my lateness, but follow such a comment up with, "but she has so many other redeeming qualities." sometimes its sweet, but a lot of times i wonder if that's just a consolation prize veiling the true sentiments. its like for someone who values timeliness, no amount of warmth or friendliness would "make up" for is lacking in tardiness. so, for someone who may value "ease" and "low-maintenance-ness," no amount of "other qualities may make up for it. i wish i could say, "who cares?" but the people pleaser in me is bothered greatly by this "new" discovery. i hope that this newly illumined "issue" isn't something necessarily insurmountable, and that while i'm trying overcome, that people would love and accept me as is, and that their graciousness would forebear even to this extent.
its tough to hear honest things said of you that you don't prefer to be such a part of you (especially when you feel like who you are is inevitably such a burden on others). lest "not meeting deadlines" be added to my list of faults, i best return to the work i have ahead of me today.
... today, i'm thankful for the reminder of the importance of the body of Christ, and God's amazing grace that loves and accepts even the "high-maintenance" parts of me...
"high-maintenance"... how would you define that concept?
john accused me of being that the other day. quite frankly, i know this about myself, but i never saw it as pejoratively as when he allied me with some of his least favorite people (and this is one of my best friends, mind you! )... that was not the most positive feeling. when i asked him to further elaborate, he said it has to do with emotionally charged situations that continues in cycles. while (unfortunately) that is true of me, that's not what i think of as high-maintenance. to me, i'm just someone who needs attention and affection. to me, that's just "knowing myself"... not necessarily a positive or negative thing. when paired with the right people, i can see it being an ok thing... the way john described it, however, sounds really draining and annoying, and where he assured me that i'm not THAT bad, i would hate to think that i'm someone who is emotionally draining REGARDLESS to what degree i am that.
then today at lunch, i asked another friend of mine (with whom i often discuss theories and ruminate) how she would define the term... and she, ironically, defines it similarly to john: someone who is constantly in a cycle of thought... who allows circumstances and situations to dictate their emotions. great. that is true of me as well, unfortunately. it makes me sad because i feel like i'm doomed to this part of my personality, but she thinks that it is something that you can move past. i'm honestly not so certain. reader, what say you to this? is it something innate or conditioned, and if conditioned, can it be changed?
andy would often tease me about my lateness, but follow such a comment up with, "but she has so many other redeeming qualities." sometimes its sweet, but a lot of times i wonder if that's just a consolation prize veiling the true sentiments. its like for someone who values timeliness, no amount of warmth or friendliness would "make up" for is lacking in tardiness. so, for someone who may value "ease" and "low-maintenance-ness," no amount of "other qualities may make up for it. i wish i could say, "who cares?" but the people pleaser in me is bothered greatly by this "new" discovery. i hope that this newly illumined "issue" isn't something necessarily insurmountable, and that while i'm trying overcome, that people would love and accept me as is, and that their graciousness would forebear even to this extent.
its tough to hear honest things said of you that you don't prefer to be such a part of you (especially when you feel like who you are is inevitably such a burden on others). lest "not meeting deadlines" be added to my list of faults, i best return to the work i have ahead of me today.
... today, i'm thankful for the reminder of the importance of the body of Christ, and God's amazing grace that loves and accepts even the "high-maintenance" parts of me...
Comments:
Post a Comment
