Wednesday, May 19, 2004
breakfast at tiffany's and the glory of God...
(connect that one, i bet you're thinking...)
last night, my roommate and i watched breakfast at tiffany's. a classic that i started to watch a little while back but didn't feel obliged to finish... probably because i was just really really tired. watched the entire movie last night and i really enjoyed it. angie and i joked how the only way holly got away with being such a mess was because she was so darn cute. unluckily, i was blessed with the mess minus the cute (at least the audrey hepburn kind of cute). as messed up as she was, i felt like i could identify with her lostness. its sad to admit, especially since supposedly, "i once was lost but now am found." i wish i had a stronger sense of that "foundness" on a day to day basis.
started reading jerry bridges "trusting God" on the recommendation of the friend i spoke of last week. i had read parts of it before, and while a lot of it was basic/simplistic, it was nevertheless a refreshing reminder of God's sovereignty, wisdom and goodness. his premise is that often, it is much easier for us to obey God than to trust Him with our circumstances. all too true, i'm afraid...
this morning during our department's devotion, we watched another segment from the presentation of cat and dog theology seminar i went to a few weeks (has it been months?) ago. listening to the content again made me realize how much it had impacted me the first time i heard it. how forgetful i am! i cognitively understand that i ought to see things with the lens of "dog theology" but instead, my attitudes reflect those of a cat.
and oh, how i identified with both holly in her lostness and her cat in her namelessness from the movie last night. but even in that, there's a "woe is me" refrain that is isn't concerned with God's glory like i know i ought to be. there's something beautiful about melancholy, but that beauty is not the beauty of a "lifted countenance" after beholding the beauty of the Lord. sigh. i miss that beauty. to be honest, i'm disappointed in myself and i wish i were better than i am.
i am hoping that from where i am, that God would fish me out of the pit of my own attitudes and failings... because i am at the end of my rope. tired of trying, really. just tired. i hope that He would by His spirit change my heart to desire His glory above my own well-being and happiness. i've been driven by self-protection and really, that has not been effective (nor honoring to the Lord). i want that to be more than just the "right answer"; i want it to be my heart's pursuit. i want to want. oh, how i want to want it.
today... i'm thankful that He is still patient with me, and that He promises (despite how dismal things look right now) that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. i'm counting on that, God... i'm counting on it...
(connect that one, i bet you're thinking...)
last night, my roommate and i watched breakfast at tiffany's. a classic that i started to watch a little while back but didn't feel obliged to finish... probably because i was just really really tired. watched the entire movie last night and i really enjoyed it. angie and i joked how the only way holly got away with being such a mess was because she was so darn cute. unluckily, i was blessed with the mess minus the cute (at least the audrey hepburn kind of cute). as messed up as she was, i felt like i could identify with her lostness. its sad to admit, especially since supposedly, "i once was lost but now am found." i wish i had a stronger sense of that "foundness" on a day to day basis.
started reading jerry bridges "trusting God" on the recommendation of the friend i spoke of last week. i had read parts of it before, and while a lot of it was basic/simplistic, it was nevertheless a refreshing reminder of God's sovereignty, wisdom and goodness. his premise is that often, it is much easier for us to obey God than to trust Him with our circumstances. all too true, i'm afraid...
this morning during our department's devotion, we watched another segment from the presentation of cat and dog theology seminar i went to a few weeks (has it been months?) ago. listening to the content again made me realize how much it had impacted me the first time i heard it. how forgetful i am! i cognitively understand that i ought to see things with the lens of "dog theology" but instead, my attitudes reflect those of a cat.
and oh, how i identified with both holly in her lostness and her cat in her namelessness from the movie last night. but even in that, there's a "woe is me" refrain that is isn't concerned with God's glory like i know i ought to be. there's something beautiful about melancholy, but that beauty is not the beauty of a "lifted countenance" after beholding the beauty of the Lord. sigh. i miss that beauty. to be honest, i'm disappointed in myself and i wish i were better than i am.
i am hoping that from where i am, that God would fish me out of the pit of my own attitudes and failings... because i am at the end of my rope. tired of trying, really. just tired. i hope that He would by His spirit change my heart to desire His glory above my own well-being and happiness. i've been driven by self-protection and really, that has not been effective (nor honoring to the Lord). i want that to be more than just the "right answer"; i want it to be my heart's pursuit. i want to want. oh, how i want to want it.
today... i'm thankful that He is still patient with me, and that He promises (despite how dismal things look right now) that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. i'm counting on that, God... i'm counting on it...
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