Wednesday, March 31, 2004
hunger: n.
1. a. a strong desire or need for food. b. the discomfort, weakness, or pain caused by prolong lack of food.
2. a strong desire or craving: a hunger for affection.
v. tr. to cause to experience hunger, make hungry.
a few friends and i are on this strict detox diet for two weeks... so the idea of hunger has been on my mind. my first thought was, hey... i can do anything for 14 days, right? its not that long. so, vanity overruled good reason and i have decided to follow this plan that eliminates sugar, salt, carbs, etc. (basically, anything that really makes life interesting).
day one was not bad. other than an unexpected visitor who brought me ice tea, i did relatively well in abiding by the plan. day two was harder... i was so zapped of energy i had a hard time staying awake during the day. that night as i was doing more reading in this book about body image and spirituality (which has been really great, btw), i realized how ironic it was that i was trying to break out of this mental obsession with body image by reading this book while still trying to wreak havoc on my body with this strict diet. so, almost as if i were acting out of conviction from the book i was reading (the principle that i really shouldn't care), i decided to cheat on this diet. that rash decision, though definitely satisfying, overruled my desire to be self-controlled with this diet.
its like situation no-win.
so i decided last night that i would continue on with this diet, but not going to allow it to impede my life. for example, if i'm so hungry during the day that i'll be zapped of energy, i will allow myself to eat enough carbs to not feel that way. perhaps that'll take more moderation and self-control, or perhaps that will be a good mental excercize because i'm not depriving myself of anything really (and maybe in "not really" depriving myself, i wouldn't sense the need so much)... its all mind games.
day three. sitting here working, some stuff that has been going on entered my mind and it was followed by a gnawing pang in my stomach. mmm... am i hungry? or is this caused by my thoughts? maybe i've just been more pensive anyway, but the correlation made me think about what i've been challenged by in what i've been hearing and reading (about longing and desire). maybe my strong desire or need for something else that is beyond my control is causing me to look for fulfillment in food subconsciously. and if its ok for me to feel lack (as is discussed in this book), then is it also ok for me to feel hungry? and what if that lack is so strong that it interfers with my ability to function (like hunger did yesterday)? then how do i make due? do i try to make due?
perhaps all of this is more and more a real picture and reminder of where true needs and true fulfillment lies. unfortunately, even knowing all that, sometimes you still want the easy fix for the satisfaction of need and desire. man... and i thought 14 days is short... this is only day 3.
1. a. a strong desire or need for food. b. the discomfort, weakness, or pain caused by prolong lack of food.
2. a strong desire or craving: a hunger for affection.
v. tr. to cause to experience hunger, make hungry.
a few friends and i are on this strict detox diet for two weeks... so the idea of hunger has been on my mind. my first thought was, hey... i can do anything for 14 days, right? its not that long. so, vanity overruled good reason and i have decided to follow this plan that eliminates sugar, salt, carbs, etc. (basically, anything that really makes life interesting).
day one was not bad. other than an unexpected visitor who brought me ice tea, i did relatively well in abiding by the plan. day two was harder... i was so zapped of energy i had a hard time staying awake during the day. that night as i was doing more reading in this book about body image and spirituality (which has been really great, btw), i realized how ironic it was that i was trying to break out of this mental obsession with body image by reading this book while still trying to wreak havoc on my body with this strict diet. so, almost as if i were acting out of conviction from the book i was reading (the principle that i really shouldn't care), i decided to cheat on this diet. that rash decision, though definitely satisfying, overruled my desire to be self-controlled with this diet.
its like situation no-win.
so i decided last night that i would continue on with this diet, but not going to allow it to impede my life. for example, if i'm so hungry during the day that i'll be zapped of energy, i will allow myself to eat enough carbs to not feel that way. perhaps that'll take more moderation and self-control, or perhaps that will be a good mental excercize because i'm not depriving myself of anything really (and maybe in "not really" depriving myself, i wouldn't sense the need so much)... its all mind games.
day three. sitting here working, some stuff that has been going on entered my mind and it was followed by a gnawing pang in my stomach. mmm... am i hungry? or is this caused by my thoughts? maybe i've just been more pensive anyway, but the correlation made me think about what i've been challenged by in what i've been hearing and reading (about longing and desire). maybe my strong desire or need for something else that is beyond my control is causing me to look for fulfillment in food subconsciously. and if its ok for me to feel lack (as is discussed in this book), then is it also ok for me to feel hungry? and what if that lack is so strong that it interfers with my ability to function (like hunger did yesterday)? then how do i make due? do i try to make due?
perhaps all of this is more and more a real picture and reminder of where true needs and true fulfillment lies. unfortunately, even knowing all that, sometimes you still want the easy fix for the satisfaction of need and desire. man... and i thought 14 days is short... this is only day 3.
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