Saturday, February 14, 2004
its sunny and warm enough (did a californian just say that 30 degrees is warm enough?) to run outside today, so after my 2 hour bike ride (this triathlon training thing is something else) i felt daring and decided to take a short run outside. i thought about how impressed katy, my midwestern running buddy, would be of me for daring such a feat.
on the stationary bike, i was reading this awesome book by this female theologian about the idea of "running the race" and how the analogy of the runner--with the endurance, tenacity, and focus that is needed to finish and run--is so apt for our Christian walk. before my whole training craze that started a little over a year ago, i don't think i would have understood the analogy so well. as i was perservering through the drudgery of the stationary bike, i was thankful for the ability to better understand this concept through experience while feeling a tinge of conviction, knowing that i'm much more dedicated to my triathlon training regimen than my spiritual disciplines. why is it that it is so much easier to beat our bodies into submission, but so much harder to do that with our minds and our spirits? i guess it goes back yet again to the will... but that's a story for another time.
so, back to running outside. despite the chilling and strong wind, i was feeling good. i had my headphones on, and was stopped at a light when an african american guy approached the light as well. i was lightly jogging in place, waiting for the light to turn and he started talking at me.
"girl, why you be trying to work it off? you're lookin' good! keep goin' like this and you'd going to look like those skinny-ass white girls. who'd be tellin' you that you need to look like them? who's your man? you gotta stop man, cause you look..."
i couldn't help but smile. he wasn't some guy that looked like he was out of his mind. he wasn't even being gross like other guys who try to get your attention. he was a relatively attractive, educated-looking but probably a bit militant brotha who was trying in the way he knows how to pay me a compliment. i took off my headphones, looked at him and said, "thanks. but i'm actually training for a triathlon." i wonder if he was surprised that i had heard him and acknowledged his diatribe, but he just was quiet for a moment and just said "oh." i smiled and ran off as the light turned green.
as i was running off, i just couldn't help but think about what he said. yes, i excused it by my training. this is true. but what is the driving force behind my tenacity to train? to feel good? yes? to feel capable? yes? to look like someone i may never look like or was never intended to look like?
just yesterday, ironically, my best friend and roommate who is just as bad as i am in terms of being health-conscious, sent me this link about "weird eaters" and how it may be a mild, undiagnosed form of an eating disorder. i tooked the quiz and scored probably higher than i ought. i would never really think of myself as someone with a self-image problem or an eating disorder. but its something i should be open to thinking about. i choose to stay healthy because it makes me feel good, but to what end? what indeed is my motivation? yes, its been nice to understand the mentality of an athlete so i could better understand those biblical analogies i just didn't identify with previously because my non-competitive nature. but is that just my "wanting to sound godly" excuse for my obsession? at these moments, i feel like the verse "physical discipline profits little" keeps coming back into my mind. is God trying to tell me something with all of these encounters?
... or is it a sort of "valentine's day" present... an omen that i'm going to end up with an african american man?
on the stationary bike, i was reading this awesome book by this female theologian about the idea of "running the race" and how the analogy of the runner--with the endurance, tenacity, and focus that is needed to finish and run--is so apt for our Christian walk. before my whole training craze that started a little over a year ago, i don't think i would have understood the analogy so well. as i was perservering through the drudgery of the stationary bike, i was thankful for the ability to better understand this concept through experience while feeling a tinge of conviction, knowing that i'm much more dedicated to my triathlon training regimen than my spiritual disciplines. why is it that it is so much easier to beat our bodies into submission, but so much harder to do that with our minds and our spirits? i guess it goes back yet again to the will... but that's a story for another time.
so, back to running outside. despite the chilling and strong wind, i was feeling good. i had my headphones on, and was stopped at a light when an african american guy approached the light as well. i was lightly jogging in place, waiting for the light to turn and he started talking at me.
"girl, why you be trying to work it off? you're lookin' good! keep goin' like this and you'd going to look like those skinny-ass white girls. who'd be tellin' you that you need to look like them? who's your man? you gotta stop man, cause you look..."
i couldn't help but smile. he wasn't some guy that looked like he was out of his mind. he wasn't even being gross like other guys who try to get your attention. he was a relatively attractive, educated-looking but probably a bit militant brotha who was trying in the way he knows how to pay me a compliment. i took off my headphones, looked at him and said, "thanks. but i'm actually training for a triathlon." i wonder if he was surprised that i had heard him and acknowledged his diatribe, but he just was quiet for a moment and just said "oh." i smiled and ran off as the light turned green.
as i was running off, i just couldn't help but think about what he said. yes, i excused it by my training. this is true. but what is the driving force behind my tenacity to train? to feel good? yes? to feel capable? yes? to look like someone i may never look like or was never intended to look like?
just yesterday, ironically, my best friend and roommate who is just as bad as i am in terms of being health-conscious, sent me this link about "weird eaters" and how it may be a mild, undiagnosed form of an eating disorder. i tooked the quiz and scored probably higher than i ought. i would never really think of myself as someone with a self-image problem or an eating disorder. but its something i should be open to thinking about. i choose to stay healthy because it makes me feel good, but to what end? what indeed is my motivation? yes, its been nice to understand the mentality of an athlete so i could better understand those biblical analogies i just didn't identify with previously because my non-competitive nature. but is that just my "wanting to sound godly" excuse for my obsession? at these moments, i feel like the verse "physical discipline profits little" keeps coming back into my mind. is God trying to tell me something with all of these encounters?
... or is it a sort of "valentine's day" present... an omen that i'm going to end up with an african american man?
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