Wednesday, February 25, 2004
"giving You my heart... all that is within... lay it all down, for the sake of You my King... giving You my dreams, laying down my rights, i'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life..."
i wasn't going to blog today. especially not about him again. i mean, come on. it gets old. but while i was working today, i had my music on. out of no where, this song hits me like a ton of bricks. what is it about music that can flood you with emotions and memories? my first instinct was to turn it off... skip it... move on. but i couldn't. just cause that's a song that sunshine shed light on in sharing it with me doesn't mean i can't have it now that he's gone. it does make me think of him. a year or so ago, he shared this song with me excitedly while he was going through trials and changes in his life. i love the song too.
i hung out with kerri last night and shared with her what has been going on, the conclusions that ensues, and the steps that i'm taking even though they're not my first choice. she was the first person who affirmed my actions and told me that they were pleasing to the Lord. i was so thankful for those words of encouragement. it was good to know that perhaps my pain is pleasing to the Lord. that i had chosen rightly. she did exhort me to really let go... not just let go of what i may be missing in the friendship, but let go even of my concern for what may happen next for them. because it is all in God's hands. it really is. i just have to trust that. and i have to trust that God is good.
so this song... i will listen to again anew, as a prayer of surrender.
"... and i... surrender... all to you... all to you... and i... surrender... all to you... all to you..."
i wasn't going to blog today. especially not about him again. i mean, come on. it gets old. but while i was working today, i had my music on. out of no where, this song hits me like a ton of bricks. what is it about music that can flood you with emotions and memories? my first instinct was to turn it off... skip it... move on. but i couldn't. just cause that's a song that sunshine shed light on in sharing it with me doesn't mean i can't have it now that he's gone. it does make me think of him. a year or so ago, he shared this song with me excitedly while he was going through trials and changes in his life. i love the song too.
i hung out with kerri last night and shared with her what has been going on, the conclusions that ensues, and the steps that i'm taking even though they're not my first choice. she was the first person who affirmed my actions and told me that they were pleasing to the Lord. i was so thankful for those words of encouragement. it was good to know that perhaps my pain is pleasing to the Lord. that i had chosen rightly. she did exhort me to really let go... not just let go of what i may be missing in the friendship, but let go even of my concern for what may happen next for them. because it is all in God's hands. it really is. i just have to trust that. and i have to trust that God is good.
so this song... i will listen to again anew, as a prayer of surrender.
"... and i... surrender... all to you... all to you... and i... surrender... all to you... all to you..."
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