Thursday, April 10, 2003
"A ship in the harbor is safe. But that's not what ships are built for."
-- Anonymous
the last couple of months have been interesting to say the least. since the beginning of the year, there have been many changes that have come my way. i'm not one of those stagnant people who are afraid of changes, but when it all happens so quickly and dramatically, it does have a bit of a whip-lash effect on your psyche. on top of all that, i've just had a bad feeling a month or two ago that this is the "calm" before the big storm.... and even what i was hearing and learning felt like i was being prepared for something major. i remember sharing this feeling with angie and was chided for preemptively worrying about sufferings.
i was in a car accident early february that i took as an "omen" as it were... no no, i'm not superstitious, just extremely literary... seeing metaphors in all sorts of events in life. my car was "totalled," supposedly, and thankfully, since i was not at fault, i thought all would be taken care of... and in a sense it was. because the way i got my car (story for another blog) just seemed so obviously from the Lord, my little clunker "brownie," i've always termed, as my "blessing car." i saw that as the beginning signs of storms to come.
instead of "going with it" and just counting my losses, i insisted (what do i know about cars?) that the insurance company fix my car... i was desperately clinging on to my "brownie"... not really wanting to trust for the provision of perhaps another blessing car. so... oddly enough, i got my way with the insurance company. they agreed to fix my car and put me up in a rental.
day... weeks... months passed... and the bill was getting more and more steep. i felt bad for insisting, questioning whether i made a bad decision about having the car fixed. as if to confirm that bad decision, the rental i had was hit while parked out side of my building in the middle of the night.
second accident. what of? along with some other major changes (yet another blog for another day)... this was kind of just adding fuel to the flame. money is not THAT important... i've always pride myself in not being materialistic... but now, when there are so many other things going wrong, it just seems all the more frustrating.
another thing contributing to my "omen" of suffering... seems that that's been the underlying 'theme' to much of what i've been hearing/learning about this year thus far... passages like: "consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be complete, lacking in nothing...." (james 1); "...and not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulations brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given us..." (romans 5) and passages in hebrews, and on and on and on...
if you've been keeping up, i've had a massively bad week last two weeks and am still recovering.... trying to maintain a right perspective, fighting to be joyful despite circumstances. last night at worship practice, i was reminded of the verse that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can withstand...
then today? i hear back from my second accident. the damages total more than a grand. am i going to let that throw me into another funk? i can. i have a right to wallow, don't i? but then i thought about the above quote that my friend sent me the other day. i think it can be rewritten thus: Our faith in the harbor is safe. But that's not what faith is built for" faith can be replaced by character...etc. its only when testing is happen that our faith is more refined.
after all... its all about perspectives, right?
-- Anonymous
the last couple of months have been interesting to say the least. since the beginning of the year, there have been many changes that have come my way. i'm not one of those stagnant people who are afraid of changes, but when it all happens so quickly and dramatically, it does have a bit of a whip-lash effect on your psyche. on top of all that, i've just had a bad feeling a month or two ago that this is the "calm" before the big storm.... and even what i was hearing and learning felt like i was being prepared for something major. i remember sharing this feeling with angie and was chided for preemptively worrying about sufferings.
i was in a car accident early february that i took as an "omen" as it were... no no, i'm not superstitious, just extremely literary... seeing metaphors in all sorts of events in life. my car was "totalled," supposedly, and thankfully, since i was not at fault, i thought all would be taken care of... and in a sense it was. because the way i got my car (story for another blog) just seemed so obviously from the Lord, my little clunker "brownie," i've always termed, as my "blessing car." i saw that as the beginning signs of storms to come.
instead of "going with it" and just counting my losses, i insisted (what do i know about cars?) that the insurance company fix my car... i was desperately clinging on to my "brownie"... not really wanting to trust for the provision of perhaps another blessing car. so... oddly enough, i got my way with the insurance company. they agreed to fix my car and put me up in a rental.
day... weeks... months passed... and the bill was getting more and more steep. i felt bad for insisting, questioning whether i made a bad decision about having the car fixed. as if to confirm that bad decision, the rental i had was hit while parked out side of my building in the middle of the night.
second accident. what of? along with some other major changes (yet another blog for another day)... this was kind of just adding fuel to the flame. money is not THAT important... i've always pride myself in not being materialistic... but now, when there are so many other things going wrong, it just seems all the more frustrating.
another thing contributing to my "omen" of suffering... seems that that's been the underlying 'theme' to much of what i've been hearing/learning about this year thus far... passages like: "consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be complete, lacking in nothing...." (james 1); "...and not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulations brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given us..." (romans 5) and passages in hebrews, and on and on and on...
if you've been keeping up, i've had a massively bad week last two weeks and am still recovering.... trying to maintain a right perspective, fighting to be joyful despite circumstances. last night at worship practice, i was reminded of the verse that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can withstand...
then today? i hear back from my second accident. the damages total more than a grand. am i going to let that throw me into another funk? i can. i have a right to wallow, don't i? but then i thought about the above quote that my friend sent me the other day. i think it can be rewritten thus: Our faith in the harbor is safe. But that's not what faith is built for" faith can be replaced by character...etc. its only when testing is happen that our faith is more refined.
after all... its all about perspectives, right?
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